Race to the finish.

I needed to get a haircut today. For some reason, every few months I go through a phase where I think I want to grow my hair out -- my hair is usually cut close on the sides and back, and then short and spiky up top -- but whenever I hit three or four weeks of growth the hair hits a sort of awkward stage where I can't just spike it up with gel, but I can't quite just comb it down either. It's almost like hair puberty.

I have no idea what that means.

So I drove over to the Great Clips in the strip mall a couple of miles from my place, and had to park in a spot a fair walk away. As I got out of my car and started walking, a guy popped out between a couple of cars and cut me off without even an "excuse me". What a dick. I guess he had been doing that thing where you cut across a lot by walking between parked cars. Anyway, it looked like he was making a bee line towards Great Clips.

I thought, "F***, if he gets there before me, I'll end up waiting forever," so I picked up my pace and did my best to catch up. I didn't want to run, or it'd look obvious I was trying to beat this guy to the shop. And in case I was wrong and he was going somewhere else, I didn't want to look like an idiot rushing to get my $14 haircut.

I watched the guy trying to gauge his intent. As he walked he kept looking around, which confused me even more. Then I stared at the back of his head trying to figure out if his hair was long enough that he would want it cut. I couldn't believe all this drama was going through my mind just because I didn't want to be stuck waiting in a chair reading old magazines for 20 minutes.

And then the greatest thing happened. He stopped to pull out a piece of gum from his pocket and then throw away the wrapper! Victory was mine! Why did he stop for the gum? Did he want to have fresh breath for the Vietnamese lady that was going to cut his hair? No matter, I got through the door first! Unbelievable! Go me!

He walked in two seconds after me, but ended up waiting about ten minutes before someone could take him. That had to suck.

Champion of the Day: Jealous Canasta Boyfriend

The other night the cafe filled up with stranded train passengers. They came over from the Amtrak station because there was a 4-hour delay before their train arrived to take them all to Seattle. I can think of a lot of things to do in 4 hours, but playing canasta doesn't even register at the bottom of my list. No insult to canasta players, but I just wouldn't think to whip out the cards and get a game going.

The only other time I heard of canasta was an old Warner Brothers cartoon where a little mouse, playing head games with a cat, wrote a letter to the cat asking him to come over and play canasta. Only it was signed, "the dog." Thinking the dog was ready to put aside their differences and be friends, the cat strolled out to the doghouse with a table, a deck of cards, and some lemonade. --the dog beat the shit out of him.

So it was kind of weird when I saw a young college-aged couple playing canasta at the tall table in the center of our cafe. At one point Canasta Girl came over to order drinks, she was the friendly type and kept asking about different drinks and making small talk. Occasionally, I'd glance up to see Canasta Boy staring intently in my direction -- it took me a little bit to realize this, but that sumbitch was giving the evil eye!

We've all seen this before. The insecure boyfriend who quickly clings to his girlfriend in public as soon as he realizes there are other men in the room. But C'MON, when your keepin' your pimp hand strong by displaying your canasta skills, that evil eye is about as threatening as a weak 3-card meld. (wha?)

...the swing of things.

So I'm back at the cafe after about a month and a half's abscence. Practically the entire crew is different and they've added a new blended drink. A lot of customers don't realize this, but cafe workers HATE making the cold drinks. Whether it's a shake or one of the ice-blended dealios, anything that involves the blender sucks ass.

Why you ask? Next time you're in line waiting to get just a cup of coffee, see how it feels when the group in front of you orders three blended drinks. You think that wait bites? Try being the guy or gal having to make those three drinks while watching the orders pile up and the line get longer and longer.

It's a vicious cycle. It's like the sound of the blender draws more customers into line for more blended drinks, but it creates longer and longer waits. Then customers either avoid getting in line, or just leave the line altogether. When it finally slows down, someone orders a blended drink, and it starts all over.