Beef sticks and sundae cups.

I have a friend who loves beef sticks. Get your mind out of the gutter - I’m talkin’ Hickory Farms-style beef sticks. I’ve always been fascinated with the whole Hickory Farms thing. Those big sausage shaped logs of smoked meat are like some kind of ultra-sized Slim Jim --only you can’t really snap into it. Have you tried walking around while gnawing away at one of those? Watching someone wrap their mouths around the end of a beef stick would be pretty vulgar.

Anyway, my friend and her boyfriend (on a trip back home) were at a supermarket for a snack run before gathering with the family to watch DVDs. They picked up some ice cream sundae cups and then noticed a “buy one get one” offer on beef sticks. No way! ...a BOGO on beef sticks???

Now here’s the dilemma: beef sticks are friggin’ gi-normous. You can barely stomach one, much less two. So my friend decides to just buy one and forego the BOGO. This, of course caused a big ruckus back at the family home - “How could you NOT get the free beef stick?” “...you need to go back and get that beef stick...” “...it’ll keep.”

It’ll keep. Ain’t that the truth. Your bomb shelter should be loaded with Twinkies and beef sticks.

So a little later in the evening the family discovered that one of the sundae cups had leaked, so it was time to head back to the supermarket for replacement ice cream. --AND, ... “Hey! Now you can get that other beef stick!” Bowing to peer pressure, my friend headed back to the supermarket for a new sundae and the unwanted, but rightfully hers, beef stick.

There she was - 9:30 on a Friday night running around a supermarket in her pajama bottoms carrying a sundae cup in one hand and a beef stick in the other. All she could think of was, “...please don’t let that guy I had a crush on in high school show up right now.” Had her life been Must-See TV, surely the town hunk would have came around the corner, or worse - her bitchy high school rival could have seen her and made some pompous snarky remark about how she would never put “that kind of junk in my body.” Well screw you, Betty, this is a BOGO.